inside my thought bubble

time

2007-02-05T07:38:00.000-08:00

Three of my all-time favorite movies are the Back to the Future trilogy. My dad had copies of it and we would always watch them until I grew to love them as well. It is brilliantly written that each movie is interwoven with the other yet even if you watch them separately, you will still enjoy it just the same. The special effects are also superb given the year it was created.

It fascinated me about the movie is how Marty and Doc would travel through time, to different time periods to try to alter the course of events in the future or the past that had unfavorable repercussions. I got so engrossed with the whole talk about the space and time continuum, the DeLorean, and the impossible feats they accomplished that otherwise would just not be possible.

Wouldn’t it be fun to be able to travel through time? And experience for yourself what has transpired before you came to existence. To be able to know your destiny and the events that would happen to you in the future. Great Scott! That is heavy.

Unfortunately, man has yet to invent time machines. The real world would entail one to deal with the consequences of one’s decisions. One can not restore time lost.

Time is a measurable intangible object that runs ceaselessly. It ticks in its usual work-a-day pace. It transcends any physical, cultural or language barriers. Time is universal. It follows a specific set of rules and dimensions that render it standard, fixed, and permanent. There are exactly the same amount of hours yesterday as there are today. 12 hours for day and 12 hours for night. And yet some days seem longer or shorter than the others.

I have been in one-hour classes that seemed like five hours and in two hour long conversations that seems like mere minutes, in instances that were just too long to end, in events that I wished lasted forever and moments when time stood still. These things are a state of mind but it still feels incredibly real.

This reminds me of something that I read from Henry Van Dyke: Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. Hours fly, flowers die, new days, new ways pass by, Love stays.

As things take their course in our own lives, we realize that what we really want is more time. Time to rest. Time to heal. Time to think. Time to learn. Time to remember. Time to give. Time to let go. But when does it suffice?

Time is unwavering and adamant. That is one thing we can not alter. No matter if you are rich or poor, young or old, desperate or content, the indelible truth is that time stops for no man. However what we can change is how we choose to spend it.

That is perhaps why the future is unbeknownst to us. So we can learn from our past to guide our decisions and chart our course however we choose. If we learned what would transpire in the future, we would either be too proud or too disheartened to take risks in our lives which would keep us from truly living it. We would be living our lives in fear and desolation, which to me, is not like living at all.

Not knowing about the future gives us a chance to seize the day, make the most out of every opportunity, make mistakes, and learn from them. Life is in itself is short enough to live in regrets. Mistakes are not as condemnable as they are perceived to be. It just starts off that way, but it is ultimately up to the person what he/she does with it. We commit mistakes; it’s what makes us human. What truly matter is how we rise every time we fall. How we learn from our mistakes and how we become a better person for it.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and too high a spirit to be encumbered in your own nonsense.

That quotation seems like an apt way for starting the New Year. Focus on your life from day to day, for the weeks, months and years will take care of themselves. It is the little pigments of color that comprise a whole picture. Time is the one constant we can never change, what we choose to do with it is what we can change.

We ask God to graciously grant us the serenity to accept the things we can not change; the courage to change the things that we can and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you really think about it, the only thing we truly have is time. As long as we are alive, we have the time. If you knew you didn’t have much time to spend in this world, what would you do? What are you waiting for?

post halloween rantings

2006-11-16T06:25:00.000-08:00

Centuries ago, Greek philosophers searched for the origin of things, which sparked the primordial quest for truth. Various philosophers from Anaximenes to Empedocles to Paramenides had their own theories. Anaximander of Miletus in Asia Minor claimed that the “stuff” that reality is composed of is called apeiron, which in Greek means that which is unlimited or unbounded. It encompasses the paradox of both emptiness and fullness.

Apeiron, is explained to contain the best of all possible worlds, a world where everything exists. It is a dimension where all the pleasant things that could transpire are possible and all the worst things imaginable are also equally possible, however both realities would cancel themselves out of the equation and we are left to live in the middle of that void.

If we were to live a world where all the good things happen, there wouldn’t be much meaning in our lives. A world where all the good things could happen may seem wonderful and ideal but as some people say, perfection can get boring. It’s the little flaws that make things interesting.

We wouldn’t be able recognize the happiness that is right in front of us, just like how one would never feel the pleasure of comfort without the agony of pain and vice versa. Like the elation that a mother feels seeing her newborn baby after hours of labor or in a victory of a hard-fought battle. These moments are not without pain and suffering. Perhaps, that is why the concept of heaven is so coveted. It is because in that place, we are able to relieve the struggles and strife in this mundane life.

For those who haven’t watched the succession of Saw movies, John Kramer or Jigsaw, as he was more commonly called, was responsible for the demented games, elaborate contraptions and psychological warfare that he puts his victims in. The objective of the game was simple: stay alive. However, the mechanics to achieving that objective wasn’t that simple. Jigsaw has never killed anyone; he just puts his victims in the imaginative scenarios where they are forced to kill themselves or others.

But behind the blood and the gore, there is a life lesson that is offered. IF you were able to survive the game, you will have a greater appreciation for life although the chances of that happening are extremely slim to none. After coming so close to death, one begins to look at things differently.

Death is a famous topic by this time of the year. This month, we remember our dearly departed, yet it is also a reminder of our mortality. No one is exempt from this fact. It is a reality that everyone has to come to terms with.

With everything that we are given in life, contentment is something that lacks in big doses. Almost everyone wants something more than what they have. No matter how many years we are given in this life, it never seems to suffice, hence the term “life is short.” Most of us often neglect the splendor of it until we come face to face with the possibility of losing it.

Perhaps, that is why the date and hour of our death is unbeknownst to us, to make us more appreciative of the time we have been given. Yet therein lies a paradox, as John Kramer mentioned in Saw 2, “Most people have the luxury of not knowing when that clock's going to go off. And the irony of it is that that keeps them from really living their life. It keeps them drinking that glass of water but never really tasting it.”

Some can smoke several packets of cigarettes a day and not regret it until the day that they are diagnosed with lung cancer while some never really see the worth of a family member or a friend until they are on a hospital bed.

Do we really have to survive a fatal car crash, terminal illness or a life threatening experience for us to truly see the beauty of life? Does it have to be too late to appreciate that we have been bestowed upon?

The only way to overcome death is to become immortal. Immortality can be achieved by living a life worth remembering, creating a legacy. It is through our legacy that we can transcend time. What we are and what we stand for can be passed on with the legacy that we leave behind.

Everyday is a choice. What will yours be?

“Most people are ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore.” – John Kramer (Saw 2004)

shiny new blog things part 2

2006-11-14T18:43:00.000-08:00

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object

The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.
You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!
You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

art of happiness

2006-10-11T03:10:00.000-07:00

Why are you in school? What is your purpose for going to school everyday? Whether you go in this school or that school, what do you ultimately intend to achieve from all of this?

For whatever reason you may have, it has something to do with the quest for success. It is in the confidence that getting education in this school will equip us with the necessary skills and know-how to be successful in whatever field we are in. We are not subjecting ourselves to late nights and hectic schedules for nothing. It is for a greater cause, the belief that success is within our grasp if we just reach out and get it.

Some of us may equate success with achievements, riches or fame. One time too many, we confuse success as how other people would define it. We try to reconcile with how other people perceive success and adapt them as our own. That is probably the reason why some people are not happy even with the achievements and the possessions that they have. Beneath the cloud of ambition and power, they have acquired a false sense of what they really want out of life, which is a sad thought but most of us, have fallen prey to this way of thinking.

Anna Quindlen once said that, if your success is not your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all. The meaning of success can be subjective and may vary from one person to the next. How one person would define success should resonate with their principles and values. Oftentimes we get to a point where in we have to compromise our beliefs in order to get along. The more we compromise our principles, the more we lose ourselves in the process until one day, when we look in the mirror; we fail to recognize the person staring back at us. Success should make us feel good about ourselves and what we do. Other than that, is just an empty promise.

All things in life are in pursuit of happiness. I don’t know of anyone out there whose goal in life is to become the most pathetic person on the planet or the world’s biggest loser. It is human nature to yearn to be something better than what we are.

Some people would say that they want to be rich because they believe that when they are rich they will have everything they want therefore they will attain happiness. Some attribute success on material acquisitions, the sums of money they have in their bank accounts or how famous they have grown to be. These kinds of definitions are unstable and unfounded because these things are temporary. It may be here one day and gone the next.

I attribute success to happiness. When you are doing the thing what you are passionate about, everything that comes along with it, the money, fame and fortune are just a bonus. Genuine and lasting happiness is something that connects with your mind and heart. The concepts of success and happiness are two analogous goals, both lofty but worthwhile.

I have been reading The Art of Happiness by the His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. The book shares how happiness is our birthright as human beings. Happiness is not as elusive as it is perceived to be, like success, it is ours for the taking if we just dedicate our time to attain it. Happiness can be achieved by the training of the mind, filtering positive thoughts and negative thoughts. Each one of us has an innate sense of what is good and bad, no matter what your religion is or what your personal philosophy is and it is in the conscious decision to seek happiness that will have a profound effect in our lives. It is actually a basic concept but the challenge comes in when it is time to implement them. The Dalai Lama presents these concepts in such a way that is enlightening and relates to pragmatic reasons and logic. It’s about time that we reassess the direction we are taking in our lives. Are we who we wanted to be? Or are we an embodiment of somebody else?

As I end this, I leave you with the words of wisdom of the spiritual and temporal leader of the Tibetan people, Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama:

“So let us reflect on what is truly of value in life, what gives meaning to our lives, and set our priorities on the basis of that. The purpose of our life needs to be positive. We weren’t born with the purpose of causing trouble, harming others. For our life to be of value, I think we must develop basic good human qualities – warmth, kindness, compassion. Then our life becomes meaningful and more peaceful – happier.”

why the world does not need superman

2006-08-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

“You know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything’s different.” – Calvin and Hobbes

We wake up to the same old boring routine. Every day seems like just any other. Yet little do we realize the impact of little matters in the great scheme of things. There are approximately six billion people in the world right now. It is easily understandable how one would feel tiny and powerless in a world so immense. You’d be surprised how one small grain of rice can tip the scale.

Oftentimes, we feel helpless in solving the dilemmas that plague our society. Environmental pollution, increasing crime rates, corruption, and the lack of unity are merely some of the problems that our country is currently facing. Looking at the world around us, it seems so resolute and unyielding that we feel that someone else or something bigger than we are, is responsible to generate the change that is needed to make this world a better place.

We depend on someone else to alleviate us from these problems. We find a savior in someone, a friend, a family member, a teacher, the Mayor or the President, who would make our problems vanish into thin air, like how it is often depicted in movies. But reality is far more different and complex than those made up lines and choreographed scenes. It entails us to face it head on and deal with the consequences of our decisions

We often concentrate on the big picture that we fail to see that it is the little pigments of color that comprise that big picture. As the Indian spiritual leader, Mahatma Gandhi puts it, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” We can not expect the world to change instantly when we are guilty of the same misdemeanors. Change should begin from within. Little things can go a long way. Like how a ripple expands, it takes one catalyst to emanate the upturn we wish to see in our communities.

Before we can expect to have a better government, we should be better citizens. Rather than pointing fingers and playing the blame game, take an introspective look at what you can do to solve the problem and not contribute to it. Bickering and nonsensical matters sidetrack us from the issues that need to be addressed. We can not solely hold the government responsible for all the problems the country is facing. The fate of this country rests on the hands of its citizens and not just some selected people in the government.

Small things can ultimately create a big difference. In Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point, he explores the phenomena of epidemics. Gladwell shares how something as small like a child with a virus can get an epidemic started. How teenagers, despite health warnings and hazards increasingly smoke cigarettes or how a novel written by an unknown author catapults into the best seller’s list. The tipping point or angle of repose is a sociological term coined by Morton Grodzins, which refers to that dramatic moment where something unique becomes common.

An excerpt from Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point:

“Have you ever thought about yawning, for instance? Yawning is a surprisingly powerful act. Just because you read the word “yawning” in the previous sentences – and two additional “yawns” in this sentence - a good number of you will probably yawn within the next few minutes. Even as I’m writing this, I’ve yawned twice. If you are reading this in a public place, and you’ve just yawned, chances are that a good proportion of everyone who saw you yawn is now yawning too, and a good proportion of the people who watched them yawn are now yawning as well, and on and on, in an ever-widening yawning circle.”

Epidemics are oftentimes associated with contagiousness of diseases and viruses like the breakout of SARS, bird flu and AIDS. As notorious and widespread as they are right now, it all started from someone somewhere. The details may not matter but the outcome is prevalent. The same concept could be applied and used in a more positive light. The notion of being the change we wish to see in the world could be our starting point to an epidemic. We can change the world by changing ourselves.

We may not be influential political leaders, powerful tycoons or famous celebrities that could reach out to countless people. Or Superman, who can save the world, but in ourselves, we can be the catalysts of change. One person can make all the difference.

shiny blog things

2006-06-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

Your Power Color Is Magenta

At Your Highest:

You energize yourself and push others to suceed.

At Your Lowest:

You feel frustrated and totally overwhelmed.

In Love:

You are suprised by who you attract. You're a love magnet.

How You're Attractive:

Open and free spirited, people want to explore the world with you.

Your Eternal Question:
"What is my next source of inspiration?"

What's Your Power Color?

beneath the controversy

2006-06-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

Ever since its release in 2003, Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code has stirred up public attention. The book garnered a myriad of reactions from different people but mostly negative reviews from the Catholic and Christian communities, as well as academic scholars and historians which catapulted this book not only to the New York Times best seller list but also to world wide fame resulting to 60.5 million copies and translated into 44 languages as of May 2006. It has even inspired a movie adaptation (garnering $200 million at the box office and counting) that has sensationalized this controversial topic more than ever before.
Undeniably, The Da Vinci Code is a hot topic nowadays. I recall a time when every ten minutes, someone would bring upon something directly or indirectly related to the book or its characters. Everyone talks about it, to the point where some are talking about being burnt out on talking about it. In my twenty years of existence, I haven’t seen this much media hype over a work of fiction. Dan Brown’s claims that “all descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents and secret rituals in this novel are accurate,” makes the book more intriguing and enticing to read. I must admit that I am one of those people whose interests have been piqued by these controversial claims.
As much as I found myself curious and fascinated with these “truths” he presented, I personally didn’t find any reason to be upset or threatened with these allegations. Ironically, there are some who thought that this could be Dan Brown’s gift to the Church and I am one of them. With this, I am by no means undermining the “blasphemous” contentions that this book suggests. It is just that I do not see this controversy as a threat but more of a challenge.
May it be good or bad, publicity is still publicity. It gets people to be aware of things they otherwise wouldn’t be aware of. The attention that this controversial subject has generated is tremendously overwhelming. Some have even taken extreme measures, I know of some instances where a school would expel a student if they were caught in possession of the Da Vinci Code or any of Dan Brown’s novels as if the book was now equated to grounds for expulsion while some cinemas are refusing to show Da Vinci Code movie. I acknowledge their reasons, but to me it seems a tad extreme. I do not see the logic behind sheltering people from these controversies. The more curiosity is repressed, the more it grows. With this I say, let them read the book and watch the movie! Besides, if books and movies suffice to shake the foundations of your personal beliefs, then you should ask yourself: how firmly rooted are my beliefs? Sadly, not so much.
As Matthew 7:7 would tell you, “ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.” It’s high time for those who are doubtful to seek the answers. Most of us, are born Catholics. It is the religion that our parents chose for us, the religion that we grew into. We reach a point when we begin to question things and also struggle to find ourselves in the process. This is the great transition from the so-called “blind” faith to a personal conviction, when we have discovered the verities of our beliefs and discerned it for ourselves; it gradually develops and becomes more profound and meaningful.
I do not wish to seem sanctimonious here. Just like you, I do not know everything, I don’t have all the answers…I don’t even hear mass regularly nor am I religious. I just know that whether Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene or not has no bearing on my personal beliefs. I am a Catholic because I believe that Jesus is my Savior and not because He was single. The minor details do not matter anymore when you can already see the big picture.
How we choose to view this issue is our own prerogative, hence the freewill. How we will come out of this spiritual quest is our own choice. Dan Brown gives us the chance to know ourselves better and an opportunity to confirm our beliefs whatever that maybe. Because in the end, it doesn’t matter if this fictional book’s “facts” are true or not. The real question is, as Da Vinci Code’s Robert Langdon puts it, “What do we really believe in?”

Taylor Hicks

2006-05-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of year once again, when almost everyone gets hyped over American Idol. It has come down to the finals. And it is like a time honored tradition [just for two years actually…] that I name my bet for the competition. I’m not really one for TV, with all honesty; I didn’t even watch the whole thing. I just watched the beginning [auditions] then the week Chris Daughtry [I am not even sure how his surname is spelled] gets eliminated up to this finale.

From the get go, Taylor Hicks was my favorite from his salt and pepper hair to vocal style that was surprisingly reminiscent of legendary musical genius, Ray Charles. I loved Ray Charles’ music, so I might have the bias right there. It spoke volumes about Taylor’s personality when he didn’t succumb to Hollywood stylists persistently telling him to dye his hair. He opted to keep it because that is what makes him who he is and that is admirable. When most people would adhere to demands like that just to make them conform and fit the mold of this cookie-cutter industry. He took a huge risk with that and I’m glad it paid off. Taylor Hicks, a soulful, country boy from Alabama may not be your regular poster boy for Hollywood but he has a great sense of who he is. The judges may like/dislike him for what he does but that is just who he is and it is evident that he is not going to adapt to their standards; he will make them adapt to his style. He has the talent for it, which ultimately is what truly matters in this competition. And from this interview, you can feel his essence, what he is truly about in a small amount of words. Overall, I'm impressed.

And that is why I think Taylor Hicks should be the next American Idol!

childhood revisited

2006-04-28T01:14:00.000-07:00

Here’s making up for loss time.

The last stretch of our journey takes us to the newly opened Honk Kong Disneyland. It’s much smaller than the one back in LA. You can tour the place within a span of hours but it still has the same old Disney magic to it. I just love theme parks. You can lose yourself in an illusion of a cartoon wonderland, enjoy yourself and then go back to the real world afterwards. It gives you the license to leave your worries behind and just be a kid again for one day or so, take pleasure in trivial pursuits and indulge in childish fantasies.

Here are some pictures of our magical day in Disneyland HK…

First stop was the jungle. Of course the jungle adventure wouldn't be complete if we weren't going to see Tarzan...

The treehouse was quite lofty but it was worth the sweat. Tarzan's physique is absolutely fierce in this one and to make things more interesting, I met the character in person afterwards along the way, and he's doesn't look bad at all. I wouldn't mind giving up the city life and be his Jane. Just kidding.

After that my sister and I were off to space and beyond with Buzz Lightyear.

So little place yet there was so much more to see...

Anyways, on with the tour. Here is the parade...

Me and my sister in front of our lovely castle...

I tried to pull the excalibur out from the stone but a princess isn't really cut out for knightly pursuits...I had a wonderful childhood and it is something I would never trade up for anything in the world. I always made believe that I was one of those Disney princesses with her castle and now, who was to say that I wasn’t?

Childhood is a wonderful time in a person’s life. It is the stage that shapes us to be the person that we grow to be. This is also when we are oriented about the life ahead. For a kid, the world is an enthralling and magical place. Their enthusiasm is as boundless as their imagination. They are whoever they want to be. As we grow older, life becomes more complex and somewhere along the way, we get disillusioned and cynical which is probably the reason why we take a lot of things for granted and we get less and less ardent about this gift of life that we are bestowed. I’m not saying that we should revert to our childhood state, things are indeed more complex than what we knew as kids but it still wouldn’t hurt if we view this world through the eyes of a child, explore and look at things as if it was the first time.

There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again. ~Elizabeth Lawrence

lost in translation

2006-04-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

Looking around, the signs are comprised of symbols that aren’t even anywhere close to familiar. It was overwhelming enough to make one feel bewildered. Small captions and translations don’t offer much comfort. If it weren’t for my trusty map, I’d feel completely lost. Some translations are correct in context but somehow seem…wrong.

This one seems so unusual that it’s kind of funny in a weird and pathetic way. Aside from this one, I also saw some sign on the street that says that waiting vehicles will be persecuted / prosecuted. I can’t clearly remember but either one seems wrong. Hong Kong locals maybe able to properly decode whatever this sign truly mean or wish to convey but for me and some of my bizarre friends, we’re still as stumped as ever. It may be technically English but it seems like a completely different language. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

There are a lot of things that caught my attention around these parts but the thing that really stuck to me was that its one thing that guys stare at your cleavage, I mean it’s like the way of life. Instincts tell them to look but when girls stare at that too. I find it so weird that I can’t help but laugh about it. Especially when mine isn't even all that big, just bigger than what they have. Or so I noticed.

Each busy and congested street resembles each other. It screams busine

ss and commerce. We scoured the streets for a good bargain. They had a ladies’ market, where every girl can shop their hearts out and a night market which is open from 12pm up to midnight. Hong Kong is truly a shopper’s paradise, good bargains and great finds. I know how I proclaimed my love for Chinese delicacy for years. I even came close to saying that I could eat it everyday until I get morbidly obese. When I first set foot here in HK, the aroma of the food was so inviting that it made my mouth water but after a chockfull of dumplings, a couple of dimsums and bowls of noodles later, I reached my saturation point. Never in all my life that I even thought that this moment would materialize. The mere hint of its scent became quite nauseating. Don’t get me wrong, Chinese food is delicious cuisine it’s just that it’s one of those food choices that are good once in a while. Maybe the anticipation of it makes it more irresistible. Let’s just say that it will take quite a while for me to be able to appreciate Chinese food again but I’m sure it’s still somewhere in my future.

Anyways, on with the tour. We toured the outskirts of the area. We went to the Avenue of the Stars, this was their own version of Hollywood walk of fame. The streets are filled with names of various celebrities, mostly people I don’t know. But eventually we found people like Jackie Chan, Chow Yun Fat and Jet Lee. But the most amazing thing we found there was the shrine they built for the legendary Bruce Lee. He has some great physique, his abs were absolutely fierce with this one. The picture is kind of shaken up but you can still get the idea.

The view of Harbour Bay was spectacular and absolutely breathtaking. The pictures pale in comparison to the magnificence of the place. The different colors of the city lights and neon lights from the buildings play gracefully with the water surface that it creates a rainbow of colors. It was so beautiful that I can’t stress that enough. Here are some pictures of us there…

hongkong survival guide

2006-02-28T00:39:00.000-08:00

I once read in a book that, the best way to see a country, unless you are pressed for time, is to travel on foot. It’s amazing how a little dot in the globe can be so vast and huge. It helps that HK had a great transportation system. The MTR gets you from A to B. Although this octopus train takes you anywhere you want to go, this does not spare your feet from a sound beating. To get the feel, the essence so to speak, still entails walking, and for this case tons of knee grease. With all the twists and turns, the nooks and crannies of this wonderful city, you will be using your feet more than ever before. It has all the proverbial sights, sounds and smells attributed to China towns’ world wide, except that this time it’s not just a part of town, it’s the whole country. [duh, what did I expect?] We are staying at the Grand Hyatt at the Wan Chai part in the Hong Kong side and this part of the city smells fishy, literally! It’s not really nauseating, but it’s not that pleasant either. So far, I am enjoying every minute of my stay here and here are some things that I have noticed…

The moment I got to be in the streets in HK, it seems reminiscent of another busy setting I know, NY. The same body of water separating islands of the Hong Kong side and the Kowloon side but it’s nothing the octopus train can’t get thorugh. The same busy streets, the same cramped apartments everywhere. It’s like the Asian version of New York minus all the dirt and the grime because people here are really disciplined, clean and conservative. Every place you turn looks spotless, I haven’t seen any vandalism on the walls and so far, no one has mugged me for money just yet. All in all, I’m impressed.

No wonder that this country is so progressive, everyone seems so busy. It’s like they like working all the time. They walk fast, in big strides and you have to keep up with them or else you lose your spot or get run over [just kidding]. I’ve gotten used to it eventually but it still strains my legs a bit. Now that’s why these Chinese people are so thin even with all those scrumptious Chinese food, they walk a lot and I do mean a lot. Their definition of a long walk surpassed my definition by a mile and a half.

Being in Hong Kong is also a test of your hearing ability. Not a lot of locals speak English and those who do speak it, [not really all but most of them] are hard to comprehend. I was asking this guy for directions and he talked for what seemed like 5 minutes with all the pauses and non fluencies. And it was then and there that I recalled what Chris Tucker said to Jackie Chan in Rush Hour, “do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” My answer would have been “no” and at some point in our conversation, I was convinced we weren’t talking about the same thing at all. We were just both nodding to be polite.

My expertise in Mandarin didn’t help either because HK was a predominantly Cantonese speaking country and as it turns out, they have a different version of Mandarin. I figured I must’ve sounded funny to them, in the same way Arnold Schwarzenegger sounds so funny when he speaks English. But they weren’t laughing so that was good and it also took 10 minutes to order a bowl of noodles. The taste was worth it. Man, these people really know how to cook.

Here’s a peek of me and my sister waiting for that noodle snack.

Another thing would be the transposition of words, you know how sometimes you get bored with words and you interchange them. Like Fornia-Cali for California or Diego San for San Diego, essentially mean the same thing. My sister and I discovered that Wan Chai and Chai Wan were two different places and we learned that the hard way. Our feet were severely sore at the end of the day. But we’re not complaining, all the more places to visit. It’s not everyday that you wake up and find yourself in an exotic place like Hong Kong.

interesting turn of events

2006-02-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

I've been insanely busy the past few months. I've got so much to do getting my act together. I have yet to catch up on my reading [the book has been accumulating dust] and update my blog. Every now and then I had time to write something but nothing remotely remarkable seemed worthy to write about. I really didn't want to bother anyone with the details of my hectic schedule so aside from that I don't have anything to write about until an unexpected call changed everything...

"Hong Kong" was the last word I understood, anything that was said after that seemed to be a blur. I wasnt really expecting to go anywhere out of the country anytime soon but in this surprising turn of events, it seems that I am. No, I didn't win anything but it certainly feels like I did. I have been wanting to go there since I was distinctly fascinated by the Chinese culture and the place in itself for the longest time. I even learned basic Mandarin because of it. There is something about the rich cultural tapestry, by the wisdom gained of a 5000 year old civilization that resonates even to the farthest reaches of the globe.

My dream is to travel around the world. My first stop is Hong Kong, then the world! Then maybe I can go to Italy, Egypt, Greece, France and maybe, Africa. I'd love to broaden my perspective by delving into diverse cultures and learning about it.

One step at a time

I'm leaving for Hong Kong tomorrow...

of course I'd tell you how it goes...

Im just so excited I can't sleep.

reasons why women find it hard to find it hard to find the men of their dreams

2005-12-27T05:57:00.000-08:00

My friend, Nancy sent this to me through email and I just laughed my butt off. In a way, it does ring true. Scratch that. It is true, at least for my case and numerous women out there. Don't get me wrong. I like my men, this is just a shot back at those "men can't understand women" jokes. Read this and get a kick outta this. Here goes:

1.The nice men are ugly.

2.The handsome men are not nice.

3.The handsome and nice men are gay.

4.The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual,are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job, to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

It's a good thing that I no longer have to play that game. For I have found my one true love. I love him, he loves me and that is all that matters in the world. Dan, I love you with all my heart. Thank you for saving me from all this madness.

GAME OVER

its beginning to look a lot like christmas

2005-12-18T18:50:00.000-08:00

It’s amazing how a change in circumstances can brighten things up. I’ve been struggling to balance my subjects along with my extra curriculars, family and friendship responsibilities among other things that may come along the way. Its like a juggling act with knives, you drop one and you’re dead, one way or another. Its been going well and the only one on the losing end of this act was me, I got so stressed, sleep deprived and just downright crazy.

After the hell week, I’m finally free from all that deadlines, quizzes, finals and all the drama of it all. I'm finally reaping the benefits so to speak. Just as it all ended, I started to notice the mesmerizing bright lights dancing before me, the cold air brushing against my skin, the smiling faces of people around me, the decorations everywhere...the beauty of christmas. As cliche as it seems, its really true. Its hard to notice all these things when you're rushing to beat a deadline. And now I can bask in it all, just like a little kid looking at her first Christmas tree. It might be a little late in the month to feel all these but at least the spirit has finally hit me as I gazed around and said to myself...

"its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"

...if you can't find the joy of Chistmas in your heart, you will never find it under a tree....

merry Christmas ya'll

from champion to legend

2005-11-13T20:36:00.000-08:00

When people ask me, “what is one thing about yourself that not a lot of people know?” In an instant, I would always answer them that I watch [wwe] wrestling and I know a lot of things about it. It would always come as a shock to those who don’t really know me given that I look like the girlie girl stereotype who would only talk about shopping, clothes, boys and fashion. Well, I do watch wwe and I have been watching it since I was a kid and I even had a crush on Shawn Michaels before and I didn’t know what I was thinking with that but that is just between you and me. Even though it’s all scripted and staged and the chair shots aren’t really that painful at least I take pride for not being barbaric/sadist to really want to see them inflict pain and hurt until they actually bleed. It’s just like watching a play or better yet, a movie, even if the special effects aren’t real doesn’t make it any less of a movie.

So anyway, it’s weird because I only watch WWE Raw and not Smackdown for the main reason that RAW is where the Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H, Kane, John Cena and all my favorite wrestlers are. Although I also liked the Undertaker, Chris Benoit, Batista and Eddie Guerrero who used to be in RAW but now in Smackdown, I just was more of a RAW fan than of Smackdown. For some reason, I ended up tuning to Smackdown last night. It was more of a background while I was doing my homework. Until the skit about Eddie Guerrero and Batista came on and I started to watch it. Eddie, from his Mamacita to Latin heat days proved to be really entertaining and fun to watch so as I laughed my butt of watching the skit, I thought to myself this is so interesting, I just might watch Smackdown again next week. Or so I thought…

The next day, I ran into a friend [who was much more of a wrestling fan than I was], we chatted a bit and he mentioned that Eddie Guerrero dead.

“get outta here” I responded, guessing if he was serious, or talking about the show or just kidding with me. “ I was just watching him last night with Batista.”

“my dad called me up this morning and told me all about it. Chavo Guerrero found him dead in his hotel room this morning in Minnesota.”

This didn’t seem like a skit from the show or a joke at all.

“no way!”

Apparently, his dad was mixed up in the wrestling business in someway. He knows someone who knows someone - well, you know how that works. Even with that, I didn’t completely believe him. It was just impossible. I went about my day and when I got home I checked it out in the wwe website and nothing was there about Eddie Guerrero, it was business as usual. I googled it up but still no results so I dismissed the thought of it being a cruel joke like one you’d likely hear geared towards celebrities. I surfed the net, checked my mail and emailed some friends. And just before I was about to turn it off, I checked the wwe website just to be sure when I tell my friend about it. There it was - a confirmation of the unthinkable. It sent shivers down my spine. I couldn’t believe it. Eddie Guerrero was indeed dead. Words that anyone wasn’t expecting at least not in this year or this decade or any time soon.

It was just so surreal. I didn’t really know him personally but I couldn’t deny a tragic sense of loss and a despondency that came along with it. And it really scares me. How life so vibrant and so full can end just like that devoid of any warning. At 38, he still had a lot to look forward to, he was barely in the middle. It is this sense of not knowing and precariousness about life that scares me the most. How one can be here today and gone tomorrow and you will never see them again. Life is unfair. You are born into this world and you grow to love it only to leave it all behind. It is tragic and untimely deaths like these that make you ponder about your own existence. How much time do I have left? Then it hits you, that this life you take for granted is frail and that no matter how young, powerful and invincible you feel, as sure as your heart is beating right now someday it will stop and that will be the end of you. Death, for me is a very vast concept, one that I can not grasp and stayed up a couple of nights thinking about but still can not grasp. I love my life too much to let go. Questions like, what will happen to me when I die? Go to heaven, purgatory or hell? Or just cease to exist? Will I be a ghost? Let’s say I go to heaven, what will I do there for the rest of eternity? The concept of eternity is also so infinite and vast. Questions that will only be answered when I am there. The only thing that I know is that death is certain.

As for Eddie Guerrero, I'd like to thank him for being a valuable part in the wrestling industry and entertaining us every single time we see him on tv. He had a profound passion for wrestling that transcends the television screen and touching people's lives with a character that they can relate to. A champion in overcoming the obstacles in life [drug addiction and alcohol], his life taught us a lesson that will stay with us long after he is gone.

Great men do not die and cease to exist, they simply become legends.

Viva la raza!

que en paz descanse.

We will miss you Eddie!

chaotic

2005-10-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

No, this is not an extension of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s freaky imitation of the Nick and Jessica’s Newly Weds bandwagon. It’s just the best word to describe my life as of the moment. I’ve been insanely busy since school started and my schedule is way up to whazoo. Here’s an update: Aside from juggling the academic demands of majoring in 3 subjects this term, I’m writing for the school paper, which I’m super psyched about. So far, I’ve written two articles and I’m feeling very Lois Lane-y so it’s all good. I loved watching Lois and Clark: the adventures of Superman. Teri Hatcher had been somewhat of an icon to me growing up. I wanted to be like Lois and now, in a way I am and it’s been great but then she had Superman at her beck and call. Now, where do I find someone like that? Ha ha ha ha. Tom Welling, if you're willing, let me know. Lol.

Life has its ways of throwing in some twists just to make things more exciting. As fate would have it, I ended up in a class where my ex was and of course, the newly installed extended appendage, the new girlfriend. I may have escaped the previous incident scratch-free but life sure isn’t going to make things easier on me. All the other classes were closed and there was just no bailing out. I thought to myself that perhaps it’s about time to face my demons, literally. First few times, I went into class feeling sorry for myself, which is an inevitable result. Good thing I had my girlfriends to back me up. It was awkward when our eyes would meet across the room. But then I realized I had the upper hand. I get my pick on the cute guys in class while he gets to hang out with just one, pretty jealous type at that. Needless to say, I showed him what he had been missing and flirted with one cute guy. I guess it was working pretty well since I catch him starring at me pretty often. This is not an elaborate scheme to get him back, it’s just that I’m moving on with my life. Then we started talking again and now he’s playing the i-just-want-to-be-friends-again card, which I think is total bull. You don’t get to be friends with your ex, at least not this early stage of the game, someday maybe but not now, not when you can still remember how kissing him feels like or like ever. At first I declined but then he argued how the past shouldn’t get in the way of the future and being friends could be nothing but good for us. So I decided to give it a shot, what the heck, I might be able to break a world record here or something. One small step for me, a giant leap for mankind type of thing. It’s that I don’t initiate conversations or call him like we were real friends, that would be freaky. I keep it business-like, when he talks to me I respond and I make sure I don’t let him into my personal life that much. Really romantic right? And soon enough the new girlfriend starts to get jealous and confronts me about it. It’s a good thing she did it in a civilized manner although it could have been less paranoid and assuming, but it is still appreciated. I guess that’s what it’s all about. I’ve been that road before. Being HIS girlfriend does that to you. So, I assure her that I don’t have feelings for her guy and I liked this other guy from class (which I really do) and since I could sense her fear, I vowed to stay away if she wanted. Well, she wanted, which I completely understand. And so I did, I had to be cold and cruel sometimes but I did keep my word. As if things weren't interesting enough. The cute guy I've been flirting with is nice, cute and cute - that's all there is to him. We don't really click on so many levels and its not like he's the sharpest knife on the shelf. I don't think that he has even noticed our incompatability just yet. Unfortunately, I need more than just a pretty face to win me over. It's not like I want to make him hope for nothing when I need him as a cover for this crazy mind games my ex started and for a breath-stopping turn of events, my ex wants me back. He said that if I ditch my guy, he ditches his and we'd be together. My life is playing like a soap opera. As exciting as it sounds, it's real predicament I got myself in. Thanks but no thanks. Its a sink or swim situation. Either I make him think Im free by ditching the cute guy or keep the charade up and keep the cute guy for convenience or a scapegoat is the rude yet appropriate word. I'm still figuring out what to do. It sure would be great to have Superman to rescue me from this mess.

Now, is that chaotic or what?

the case of the ex

2005-08-31T19:15:00.000-07:00

havent you ever wondered why the shape of a heart doesn't resemble the real human heart? I've been guessing how they came up with that or how it all came about when it looks no where near or even anything close to the heart. or how biologically, the human heart's function is to circulate blood to the rest of the body but when you feel hurt, offended or betrayed you feel like there's this pain in your chest. logically, you can dismiss it like its all in your head since there are no rational explanations for it but you still feel it, the piercing, agonizing pain in your chest is very real because you feel it. or it is just me?

for some reason, I wasnt feeling my best today. And just when you feel so down and vulnerable, fate is bound to play its nasty nasty trick on you, like bumping into your ex-boyfriend. I haven't seen him for quite a while and to make things more interesting, he was with his new girlfriend or so she seemed to be. I felt like such a loser. At that moment, I prayed to God that he would give me the power of invisibility. Im not sure if they saw me or I successfully camouflaged into the crowd but I tried to pretend as if I didnt see them. [such a loser!] Of course, I will have to face them at some time in the future, but not right now...

Seeing my ex was quite an interesting experience. Even before I saw him, I felt his presence and when I looked around, there he was with this new girl. Seeing him in the arms of someone else made me feel jealous, even though I don't have feelings for him anymore. [or so I think anyways] Part of me is happy that he has moved on but also a part of me feels otherwise as I stood there and watched someone take something that used to be mine. Its the primordial law of territories. Its like seeing someone play with your favorite toy that you voluntarily put up for sale. Its exactly not that you don't want them to have it but you dont or at least you dont want to see it. I don't know, its so confusing! Im sure I dont want to get back together with him but why do I feel this way? There is just no logical explanation why my heart feels like its being clenched tight and like someone punched me in the tummy. Sometimes, the heart knows reasons that reason itself can not even comprehend.

poop happens

2005-07-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

Life is sometimes a sneaky tricky weasel, isn't it? Just when you thought everything is smooth and you got it all planned up, life pulls a fast one, your head spins and you ask yourself, "am i screwed?". I know it happens everytime and I'm not the only one. Its the wheel of life, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. You have to take the good with the bad. Its just that life gets so ironic sometimes, and someday I can look back on it and laugh my socks off...

I consented to do a photoshoot, I guess it was a month before the actual photoshoot. It was all good until the week before the shoot, other commitments popped out of nowhere and I got my period, [which is tantamount to pimples sprouting, changing moods, and I was bloated or at least I felf like I really was and I cant stop eating] which is a bad thing if you want to look good in those photos. So in place of that, I worked out and tried to reschedule the photoshoot. But my confidence was down in the dumps, which is a major factor since my confidence in front of the lens is what I count on to get me through it and about the rescheduling, they were able to get it on another date, which was 2 days earlier than agreed, that was the only date available and they already set it. How screwed could I be? Totally. So I ran the treadmill like a hamster on speed, bought beauty products to make a second layer of skin. I did my part and gave my best, I just wish that it was enough.

I thought that one of my traits was that I was spontaneous, an exciting spur of the moment kind of girl. Maybe I was...or perhaps I still am, in a slightly complicated sort of way. I didn't really think about it until my sister brought it up. As she puts it, I plan my spontaniety. Sounds oxymornic doesn't it? Planned spontaniety. I gave it more thought...and she's right. I do plan my spontaniety. Its not like "okei at 8:30, I'll be spontaneous!" Its more of a "I'll be spontaneous when the situation permits me to." Which is not technically spontaneous. Im not going to do anything crazy like shave my hair all of a sudden or get married to a stranger I meet on a bar. Though I am open to the possibility of me, shaving off my hair when I have a good reason to do it, like when its really hot or Im required to do it or something like that. And I can get married on the spur of the moment, just not with a total stranger. It has to be someone I really truly love and could see myself spending the rest of my life with that person. A Las Vegas Wedding isn't really how I pictured myself getting married [im not sure if anyone does...]but if the person is right, I'd do it! That would be cool with me...Cause when you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right away.

Im not really the type to run amock like a chicken without its head. I do crazy things but I have some regards that I take into consideration and the consquences of what Im about to do. To me, being spontaneous is being able to bounce back with life's unpredictability. Life gets so comlicated sometimes and no matter how much you want to plan it, you have got to allow some unexpected twists and turns here and there. Its unevitable. Im taking it all in stride, one day at a time so I can keep up with what life has to throw at me.

so much for that...

2005-06-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

Gosh! its been a long time since my last post here huh?!! I have a myriad of plausible reasons which would painstakingly take time so in place of that, my apologies.

I've always loved to swim, even when I was a kid. And there is no better time to do that than in summer..right? So like I planned, I spent much of my time hanging out on the beach, having fun, soaking up on some rays. I've always wanted to learn or at least try to surf some waves, not the big ones though, just the ones I can manage. I read in a book or somewhere that only those who are brave enough to push their limits can discover how far they can really go. That gave me the courage to just do it but then news of the random shark attacks hit the stands and I find myself hoping to catch the waves that the pool can generate. There had been 3 reported shark attacks recently and one was so sever that the victim died on the spot due to severe blood loss. The shark devoured her leg and would stop even when the victim was already unconsious. As if I needed more reasons to fear sharks..Its not that I'm really terrified of sharks I used to convince myself that they are misunderstood creatures, that they dont eat humans and its just a mistake on their part if they do..well, I dont want to add to the statistics of their mistakes. Its the reason why I havent tried out surfing for so long. I dont know, its not just the concept of fatality that comes along with it but perhaps the sheer enormity of the creature that makes me go weak at its mercy. The feeling that the power is not in your hands and there is nothing you can do about it. Its a really terrifying thought. Besides. I've recently incurred this wound that would surely make me a shark magnet [right pointing finger + sharp edge of cream can+miscalculation= bad bad wound, it almost needed stiches] As for pushing my limits, I'd try to push my limits somewhere else for the moment and focus on other non-lifethreatening things. I'm quite sure that life wouldn't run out on those.

I just might try skydiving or base jumping instead...

...just a thought...

the truth about cats and dogs

2005-05-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

Here's an update of the crazy, somewhat miniature zoo that I call home. Everyone is doing well. One of the lovebirds died though, we now have 8 left. I always thought that odd numbers weren't good cause that means that someone is always left out or the third wheel/ fifth wheel. Odd numbers are lonely numbers.

People here have been so nice. Thanks for the suggestions and Julian, thanks for the website, but my mom got so overwhelmed by the abundance of suggestions she got so confused that to settle the issue, we finally decided to call our little shih-tzu, Amber. [ despite the lack of the color] Its a nice name and it fits perfectly into the requisites of my animal names [read homemade zoo entry]. My cat, Aubrey didn't really give Amber a hard time fitting in, though he didn't seem to be excited about it either. It was quite amusing when Amber, being the silly creature she is, would playfully bark at Aubrey to annoy him or something and Aubrey would look at me as if telepathically asking, "what do you suggest I do with this idiot?" Its really how it looks like and its quite funny actually. Aubrey's really being mature about it and not scratching Amber's eyes out. Actually, he never did which was quite amazing cause if you think about it, cats and dogs intial instinct is to fight each other but they haven't... yet. There are times when Amber would have this identity crisis and eats Aubrey's food and in turn Aubrey would retaliate by eating Amber's puppy chow. Its really hilarious. In a way, they are like people. Obviously, you can see the difference between them, Aubrey is more poised, refined, clean and sweet in her own not so showy way while Amber is more of the hyper-active, silly, crazy, cuddly rag doll paired with big black eyes. They are both so cute and adorable that I really can't decide if I'm more of a dog person or a cat person. Dogs, as they say in Meet the Parents are emotionally shallow animals while cats make you work for their affection. I don't know, I'm kinda on the fence on this one. Sometimes I like to earn affection, it makes you see how much you really want it and once you got it, you really cherish it though sometimes after a rough day, you would just like to have some lovin' given to you freely, without questions, without hesitations, all out. You can have the assurance that you have some trust and loyalty even if you screw up along the way.

Thankfully, this is not those black or white issues where you have to have only one side and stick to it. I can happily sit on the fence and enjoy the best of both worlds.

results are in, amigo! what's left to ponder...

2005-05-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

I got this title from Owen Wilson's character in Zoolander, Hansel. That movie makes me laugh my butt off everytime I watch it. every time. Its just nonsense talk and its irrelevant, I'm just stalling so anyway...

Carrie Underwood is the new American Idol. So much for a career in seeing into the future. There's no love loss here. I just wanted Bo to win. Its all good though since I'm pretty sure he will land a record deal or something. That kind of talent just won't slip through the cracks. Can't wait to buy his CD when it comes. Though I love the song Carrie is going to release, Inside Your Heaven, it just gets stuck in my head.

Speaking of CDs, I was so out of the loop during the whole vacation that I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that Rob Thomas released a new album. I had the biggest crush on him back in Junior high when he was still with Matchbox20. I don't like him as much now but his voice is still the best sound I've ever heard in my whole life [so far]. He just sings his heart out everytime and he writes such thought provoking lyrics coupled with a pair of expressive eyes and long brown wavy hair that makes you want to run your fingers through it. He plays piano and guitar at least. He impresses me so much that's why I put him on a pedestal. His wife is the luckiest woman in the world. What I wouldn't give to be in her shoes even for a day. But Im covinced everything happens for a reason and I'm destined for greater things out there. I just have to find it...

somewhere out there...

[wishful thinking...]

2005-05-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

So I watched the show. Bo seemed different. He wasn't at his optimal best as he usually does. I didn't quite feel the songs. Maybe all the hype and the stress is really getting to him. Carrie, on the other hand, was consistent with her performance. Honestly, she did well..better than Bo actually. I don't know, maybe its just me.

Im still rooting for Bo. I hope he pulls a victory in the end.

I just get so caught up in this.

The suspense is killing me..

american idol

2005-05-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

Reality TV shows make good TV. Its a human interest piece. I mean, it displays the emotions, the drama and the tragedies of human life. Within limit of course. Some take advantage of other people's misery, its just plain sad. Anyway, reality makes good TV because in a way you can relate to them in one situation or another and the thing is, its as real for them as it was for you. No acting, no sugar coating. Life, just as it is.

As most people know, its the finale in American Idol. I watch this show though not as much as I used to the last season but generally, I like it. I always think that its good to watch people strive to make good of themselves than to watch them self destruct on national television. I like Simon Cowell. I respect him for telling it as it is, though sometimes its awfully harsh. Its brutal but honest. Truth hurts, people dont always like to hear the truth but he tells it anyway.

Tonight, I must admit, Im rooting for Bo Bice. I didn't really like him that much from the get go. In fact, I liked Mario Vasquez until he quit, then Constantine Maroulis [with that smouldering stare] I think most people did too and it came as a real shock when he got eliminated when he did. I saw it coming though just not that early in the contest. On the other hand, Bo Bice proved to be a expert at what he does and he's does it in his own style. I admire people who just go as themselves and not attempt to fit in this cookie cutter mold that society implies that they should be in. Its a courageous thing. I liked him when he did his version of the overly used, worn out love song I 'LL BE. I fell inlove with his voice, it was just so genuine and heartfelt. Not to mention kinda rough and sexy. I'm fascinated by his i-seem-not-to-care, laid back attitude but each and everytime he sings, he gives his best and really delivers it. I think that he would a different kind of twist to the previous American Idol winners roster, being a rocker and all. Carrie Underwood is a great singer too and I like her too, really talented and her simple girl personality captures me. This season has been filled with so many talented performers but only Bo Bice really stood out to me because of his individuality. Carrie is too common [no offense to Carrie fans] The American idol could need some tostesterone in their winner's circle since Ruben is all alone. We need a little variety so I'm voting for Bo although I'm sure its gonna be a tight competition between the two of them. Here's wishing them luck. I've been thinking about it every now and then during my spare time. I even think I'm more anxious than them. hahaha. This is just today and the real anxiety is the result's show!! hahaha..here we go

homemade zoo

2005-05-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

I spent a few days sleeping, adjusting my biological clock, fixing my things and getting things back on track. Time resumed to its usual work a day pace and I try my best to keep up to it. Things were pretty much how they were when I left them. Same old life. Same old house. Same old room. Same old Aubrey. The only thing that changed was that the 4 colorful lovebirds that we had dwindled to only one lonely lovebird. It saddened my mom to see the lovebird all alone and so we headed for the petshop. My mom bought more lovebirds, goldfishes and angel fishes. My mom likes birds and fishes for pets, I don't know why. I live with it but I don't really like it. I dont mean that I hate these animals but I don't like them as house pets. I don't think they should be kept in cages or tanks, they should be free in their own habitats. They seem happier that way. But thats just me, the last word is still my mother's. I just like pets that I can really touch, care for and they can also make my home, their home like cats and dogs. While we were looking around my sister fell in love at first sight with this cute little shih tzu puppy. To make a long story short, we bought the little puppy. Its a girl puppy with a black spot around its right eye that looks like a pirate's patch. She's really cute. So, our house is technically a minature zoo. We have lots of fishes [goldfish and angel fish, birds [lovebirds and the mynah bird (the one that talks)] 4 dogs plus one little puppy and one golden cat. One weird thing about our animals is that their names all begin with the letter A and has 2 syllables. It was all coincidental before until we realized that the animals that would stay a long time with us are the ones whose names are starting with A. Like Alvin [our alpha dog], Apple [his wife], their kids Anton and Andrew, the mynah, Angel and of course my cat, Aubrey. see? So the name of the puppy is still under discussion, I'm thinking maybe Amneris after an ancient Egyptian princess or Angelina [Jolie?] haha..but the only 2 syllable name I've come up with is Amber. I'm not sure yet...

Any suggestions?

Let me know...

2005-05-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

here is a little visual
Posted by Hello

flying airplanes

2005-05-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

I spent almost most of the day in the airport yesterday. Anticipating the heavy traffic and the tons of people making their way back home and not to mention the pre-boarding activities, we went there early to get a head start and make sure that the plane leaves with us on it. We were there at around 2pm for a 6:20pm flight. Seems okei right? [if not a bit eager...] Well, not if you discover your flight is delayed and is moved to around 8:45pm. So, me and my sister, Camille got to stroll around the place, shop for souveneirs more than we should, read all their magazines and take time to feel like the airport is our home. Pretty much like the movie, Terminal except that we're just there for a few hours. It was quite interesting watching people. Everybody seems to be going somewhere...[with the exception of those who actually work there] Some place they have to be. Its a takeoff point from here to anywhere you want to go...kinda makes you feel that anything is possible.

Speaking about the possibility of things, I know it happens around 15,000 times a day in most parts of the world. I ride planes all my life, at least twice a year since the year I was born but the concept of airplanes flying is just a touch concept for me to grasp. Its just not possible. Think of it! Its made out of tons of metal, carries tons of cargo/luggages, with people on it. Thats a lot of extra weight. How can something that heavy defy the rules of gravity and actually fly? Its just something that fascinates me to no end, like some kind of miracle...Like an elephant flying...like Dumbo..hahaha..mind boggling but amazing isnt it?

the vacation aftermath

2005-05-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

So the vacation is over... and I am back to the city that I consider my real world. This bright lights and big city life still requires a little time getting used to. I enjoyed that vacation. Although I am just at home right now resting, I could still feel time resume to its work-a-day pace. And I feel so restless. Its so weird. Maybe its the effect of being in the city. I don't know.

About the beach holiday thing, it really was something. The weather wasn't really on my side that day. It was cloudy or raining most of the time. I wasn't able bask under the sun and get my tan but I got to swim, which is good...I guess. That's basically what I came there to do right? The temperature was kinda cold and the water was cold. So you can just imagine what that was like. The people were sunny and nice so that makes up for the weather bummer. Summer is about having fun and that is what I am all about. I was able to enjoy myself and that's what ultimately matters.

a fresh change of perspective

2005-05-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

It's been more than a week since I last posted. I had sometime to adapt to this abrupt change of lifestyle. I admit that its far different from what I have known back in the city but its such an enjoyable experience that I will surely feel sad once its over and will definitely come back next time around. I am officially accustomed to the sounds of nature, spefically the birds. Don't underestimate them, they can get really loud sometimes. I love the temperature here. Its hot during the day and really cold during the night, more condusive to sleeping and hugging. I just wish I had someone to hug. But my pillow will just have to do for now. Hmm...Life here is busy and not really as boring as some people would perceive to be. Its not the bare jungle out here, there are also lots of modern conveniences but people rather do things that really matter. I mean, I love to watch television but here its like there are far more better things to do than just watch television. I have missed more than a week's episode of my favorite soap opera but I don't mind. I can always surf the net to find it out but this experience is not something I can still have when I'm not in this place. So, I'm taking in as much as I could and enjoying everything this place has to offer. The sad thing though, is that I'm leaving this island paradise on Sunday and the good thing is that today till Sunday I will be soaking it up on the beach, a perfect ending to this summer vacation. There is still tons of things that I have learned in this vacation that I just have to share with you but I will have to hold it out till later for I want to maximize the last remaining days I have in this place.

Till then, gotts to go....

and aubrey was her name...

2005-04-24T04:44:00.000-07:00

This is my beloved kitty cat, Aubrey. I left 'em back home and I just thought of posting his picture to somehow ease the sadness of missing him soo damn much. He's just so cute, isn't he? My golden cat. He just looks like the Friskies Cat. hahaha...I can totally understand why Egyptians love cats. Unlike how most people perceive cats, he can be so sweet and thoughtful at times too. Those big irresistably charming eyes can be so diffucult to resist but don't let it fool you, he scratches and bites whenever he's grumpy or really hungry. Good thing, it hasn't happened to me yet. Just Josel, only Josel. I think Aubrey just doesn't like Josel all that much.

Funny thing is, I used to think that he was a she. Well, of course until time proved otherwise but to me he will always be pretty pretty aubrey. This picture was taken way back when he/she was still a lil kitten and now she's 2 years old and kinda big, or at least bigger than you can see in this picture.
Posted by Hello

...and after a century..

2005-04-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

Its been quite a while...a lot of things has happened and here's an update..The day of reckoning wasn't as bad as previously anticipated. It actually went well. My grades were good and it even placed me in the Dean's List. [Hurrah!!] I am now officially on vacation.

Since March I have been dying for a chance to go some place else and so I immediately grabbed the ticket out and now moved geographically nearer the equator but this place is far more cooler [in terms of temperature] than being in the city where I actually live in. Maybe its all the pollution and the lack of greens, by that I mean trees...I have been relaxing, sleeping [for most of the time] taking in the greenery and having fun. Something somniferous about this place that makes me fall asleep so easily. No sunny beaches for me yet but that will come sometime in the near future. Its a real change of perspective here. Its a cultural, rural setting, like what you would see in the simple life but its actually refreshing. Its actually mellow and lots of sunny happy people all around. Its all good. Back in the city, time flies sooo fast that my head spins and I don't know what day it is. It seemed like there are just not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything you want and you have to do. Utimately, I end up staying up in the wee hours just to get things done. But here, its like the time frame stretches. I actually have time to do everything I have to and still have time to relax and still solid 8 hour sleep. I don't know how that is...cause when you think about it, its still 24 hours in a day. I take time to gaze at the sparkling stars that I love so much. It just fascinates me to no end. The moon here is unbelievably big, bright and really yellow. You should really see it. Its just so beautiful. If you are into the nature/night sky kind of thing. When its just me, the vast space of the noght sky and my thoughts, it makes me wonder what is out there. I live for moments like these. Its a retreat from the hurly burly of the city life and I'm loving every day of it. I think, its this kind of thing that keeps me sane and grounded. And for this I am grateful.

Beneath the trees, civilization has somehow caught up and there are internet cafe's like this one where I can access the internet. So I can update you my whereabouts and things that has crossed my mind during this vacation. This should be quite fun. Its not everyday that I get to do this so I better get as much of it as I could possibly can.

I have to go.

Catch you later

the little prince

2005-04-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

At long last, the finals [hell] week is finally over!!! I couldn’t be more relieved that this torture has finally come to pass but I couldn’t celebrate just yet. The day of reckoning is still upon us. By that I mean the course card distribution. I think I did well in the exams and I’m pretty sure I didn’t flunk anything it’s just that there’s a saying that goes: don’t count your chickens till they hatch.

To help me avoid counting any chickens, let’s talk about something else. One of the things I love to do is to act in a play. And I’m glad that recently, I had the opportunity to do just that. We did this theatrical adaptation of a well known Exupery classic - The Little Prince. I portrayed the Rose, the little prince’s love interest. The character that I played was this beautiful, sweet, charming but painfully self-absorbed and vain little creature. I used the character Catherine Zeta-Jones played in America’s Sweetheart as a model for my role and since this is theatrical acting, I tried to make it funnier and livelier but that was pretty much how it was. If you read the book, you would know that Rose is not just the name of my character, but basically that is what I was…a rose! [as in long stemmed, plant with thorns and leaves] Thank God my costume didn’t involve petals around my head and leaves on my hand. It’s quite a modern presentation so all I had to do was to don on a red attire and a flower in my hair and that would suffice.

I love to act because it offers me the chance to be something or someone else that otherwise I wouldn’t be or even consider to be or do [in real life] have some kind of fun with it and get away with it. It gives you the freedom to explore the what if’s…what if I was a doctor, what if I was a lawyer, or some clown…sky’s the limit to the endless possibilities to what you can pretend to be without being against the law or something and at the end of the day, you can return to being your old self.

Aside from these and getting to try on the costumes, another thing that makes these kinds of experiences fun and unforgettable are the people you meet along the way. I got to know some people that knew some of my other friends which further proves that the it’s really a small world after all. Here are some pictures we took after the presentation….

2005-04-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

i think this started the "flower in hair" fad.
Posted by Hello

2005-04-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

this is us just having fun after the presentation
Posted by Hello

life is short so you better get yours...NOW! while you still can

2005-04-03T06:51:00.000-07:00

foreword: isn't it amazing how many topics i can come up to post here when my finals are coming up? i just can't help but procrastinate can i? lets just say i work best under pressure and i dont work unless im pressured...lol!

Hairs on my neck stood on end when [thanks to CNN] I learned this morning that the Pope just died last night at his bedroom in the Vatican around 9:37p.m. I just find it so weird that he died not even a day after I wrote about him in this blog. I was just writing about how short life is only to verify that I really had no inkling how short it is. It was just a few hours off. No doubt, I will be contemplating on my life again as I go to bed tonight.

Basically, I am a Roman Catholic and was raised as one. Although I tend to question some of the practices we have and is leaning more towards the concept of Buddhism these days, I strongly believe in Jesus Christ and his resurrection. That is just that. I must admit that the Pope's death did not come as a shocking news to me anymore but despite that, I didnt expect it to come this soon. I had mixed emotions, part of me was elated for him as he was returning home to God and because he was no longer captive of this painful mortal life but a part of me was a bit sad since he had been a phenomenal Pope and the Catholic community will be orphaned ephemerally.

I remember being when the Pope visited the country a decade ago. I wasnt among the many who were amidst his presence at that time since they were practically countless. I was among the many who watched him at the comfort of my home television set. I was just 10 years old back then and wasnt really concerned about anything but just playing with my friends but when I watched him, I was honestly moved by his mere presence. Even through the TV screen, it felt like I was witnessing a miracle. I couldnt imagine how the people around him felt like. I havent met anyone like him. Its like by just looking at him riding his papal mobile, he emanated holiness and purity. Right then and there, I felt moved, sorry for my sins and wanted to be a better person, like being in the presence of an angel. It may seem cornball now, but it felt so real back then. I could tell I wasnt the only one that was moved because there were absolutely no crimes in the country for the duration that he was here. Now, isnt that something? It was a real unforgettable and unbelievable experience. I dont know if I will ever feel that way again about anyone.

It honestly feels surreal that he is gone back to God, as we all eventually will. His remains were viewed on CNN. Normally, funerals and most especially coffins scare the hell out of me but since he didnt have one, I wasnt that scared. I wasnt scared at all period. And besides, it seems like he didnt change much. It just seemed like he was just sleeping. So here's a tribute to him. Thanks Karol Wojtyla, for everything that you have done for all of us, no matter what religion we are. I can only aspire to be half as great as you were..I will personally never forget you...

So much for sentimentalities, now I really have to go and study. No more procrastinating for me.

Till next time. Im serious this time.

just procrastinating

2005-04-02T09:32:00.000-08:00

Trimester system sucks. Everyone else I know are already enjoying their break yet here we are still studying. I should be in a beach somewhere…soaking under the sun, enjoying the waves and having fun! But instead, I’m here in my room daydreaming about it. It’s the weekend before our finals and I just finished writing one of my projects. I still have a lot to do…yet here I am blogging my way through. Okei, I’m officially stalling but I just can’t keep these thoughts out of my head and I feel the need to just throw them out to the void. This will only take a few minutes… here goes…

Don’t you ever wish that sometimes there are just some things that you didn’t know or find out? Not that it’s better to be ignorant but because of the so-called danger of knowing? I have this tendency to think over things too much. There are a lot of things in my mind and none of them are about the subjects that I should be studying about but what the heck. As soon as I share my thoughts the sooner I can move on and study..yeah right! Lol!

First off, despite all the support to keep her alive, Terri Schiavo is dead. An autopsy is said to be conducted to find out what she was thinking as she was dying and if she was indeed thinking and conscious about the world around her before she died. I just don’t see the point in doing that anymore since she is dead, it wouldn’t matter to anyone what she thought or how she felt. It doesn’t matter to me. Her life was the only thing that mattered and now she’s dead so at least give her the right to rest in peace.

Second is about the Pope, the whole Catholic community is praying for his health. But no matter how hard we pray, we all know what is going to happen. He is dying and he knows it that is why he refused medical help to drastically save his life. They say he wanted to die with dignity. I don’t know if its Nostradamus or some other famous psychic that said that after Pope John Paul II dies, the next Pope will be the Pope that will be the an Anti-Christ or something and will be the one to lead us to the end of the world. Its just some faint memory and the psychic could be wrong so don’t breathe so much into it but it still got me a little restless. Although selfishly, I don’t want the Pope to die, I am well aware that at the end, God’s will be done.

In my previous entry, I was just raving about how much I love life, but these two issues really got me thinking about my mortality. All I could think of was… “I’m too young to die!” “I’m not ready yet. I have a lot of things to look forward to.” “I don’t even have kids yet.” “I haven’t done my mission yet.” …and I could come up with a thousand more excuses if the occasion calls for it. Life is uncertain but death is certain. It is an iron clad fact and that is what scares me. I look up to those who are not afraid of death and I can only hope that when my time comes I can be like them. It is natural for people to be scared of things that they do not understand. I admit, I don’t understand it and I’m attached to this earthly existence so sue me. I don’t know of anyone that isn’t scared of death except the suicidal ones. I just feel like there is still so much more to live for and I’m not ready to leave my loved ones behind. Its silly but sometimes I get so scared of thinking about it that I don’t want to fall asleep because I might never wake up again but I end up falling asleep and waking up the next morning anyway.

Another thing that occupies my mind is that how does the transition feel? I mean the middle of the state of being alive and being dead. Is it like sleeping? You just doze off? And after that what happens? Since I’m Catholic, lets say you go to heaven or hell…then whats next? If you go to heaven, they say you will be eternally happy hanging out with God. But what will you do for the duration of eternity? That’s an awful long time. How long is eternity anyway? Sometimes a moment seem a lifetime or a lifetime in a moment. So which one is it? Even the concept of being eternally happy is kind of an iffy to me. If you don’t know pain and suffering, you will not realize what happiness is or maybe you wouldn’t even know it. I think, you find happiness when you have a thing that you know will be miserable without.
And if you go to hell, you will suffer and burn. But its only painful when you’re not used to it the sensation but when you are not used to it, its like nothing just like plucking your eyebrows although hell would be a nth million billion zillion times worse but still the same concept and besides you are already dead, its not like you’re going to die…again?!!
I still have more thoughts on this but for here I’m going to cut it here…

Whew! Glad I got that out of my system. I told you there were a lot of things on my mind…and that’s not even all of it. ha ha ha. But I don’t want to bore you with all the details besides, I still have to study for my finals. Wish me luck. Thanks for the time.

Catch you on the flipside. I meant after the finals, not the otherside... :)

bushwhacked

2005-03-25T18:59:00.008-08:00

What i meant by that is...Bush is whacked! I just cant stand this guy. I know you must be thinking, there she goes again ranting again. Okei, I am...but with good reason. This is an issue I feel strongly about and I cant just sit back and be passive about it.

I came across this article about rejecting the reinsertion of the feeding tube to this brain damaged woman, Terri Schiavo. She may be brain damaged and in a vegitative state meaning she cant move, think, speak, respond and do those cognitive functions but she can blink and breathe on her own. Removing her feeding tube would mean starving her and in two weeks, this would eventually result to her death. I think this is just inhumane and appalling. If I remember my laws on euthanasia correctly, two factors that enables you to legally and morally kill the sick person if the person is completely dependent on machines for more than a considerable period of time and if the person has no hopes of recovery. Schiavo is not completely dependent on machines as she is capable of breathing on her own and the doctors that her parents hired said that she may have the capacity to move with intensive theraphy. So killing her is out of the question. I cant believe Bush is saying he cant intervene in her case. I find that weird, in the US where he is President, there are things he cant intervene in like this while outside US, he feels free to intervene in Iraq's affairs and claim that they have weapons of mass destruction that were never ever found. Isnt that so ironic? Its as ironic as advocating for pro-life while sending troops to war for a false cause and losing their lives as if it were just props for a freak show. Im not claiming to be the fountain of wisdom here but wars are a never ending cycle of retaliation and death that will only result to tragedy. I think, we lose more than we are gaining. A person's life is not something tangible that you can restore once it is gone. Life should be revered and valued not only because it is short but also because it is borrowed from God. He gave us the chance to live it and its not in our hands to take our lives or other's lives for that matter. Our mortality is up for Him to decide, not ours.

Im not really a John Kerry supporter, but anyone who runs against Bush gets my support 100%. I really hate it that Bush won but thats life. Nothing I can do about that now, all I can do is stand up and advocate for what I think is right. I value life, not just my own but others too. Terri may not live long but the point is that we tried to save her instead of signing her death sentence... Live and let live!

Bottom line:

Save Terri Schiavo

Stop the war

thats all there is to it

boxing and whinning

2005-03-20T20:03:00.000-08:00

I don't really like boxing. I am more of a [wwe] wrestling fan than boxing. Wrestling is more dynamic, you can use your hands, feet, elbows [and improvise with any foreign objects near by..haha] plus, it has a story line, its scripted so there is this motive why this person is beating the crap out of the other person as opposed to boxing where you can only use your hands and no hitting below the belt. Its more bloody and gruesome and barbaric since its main thing is just to knock opponent unconscious. The only upshot here is that its a measure of skill and its real. That is what I know.

There was this much anticipated boxing match between Pacquiao and Morales in MGM Grand Las Vegas televised live. Everyone in our house was super psyched about it and every tv in our house was tuned to it. Needless to say, I was left with no choice but to watch it and it seemed pretty interesting at the time and so I did. I thought that in boxing all you had to do was punch your opponent in the face for so many times until he passes out cold. How exciting is that? there is not much strategy needed. But then, I soon saw that its more scientific than I initially thought. I noticed Morales was psychologizing Pacquaio, studying his moves. He indulging his weakness which was his ego, everytime Pacquiao thought he was on top, that was where Morales struck him hard and I must admit it was quite impressive. I soon realized that boxing is not just this blood sport but a mind game as well. I could tell by round 3, even before the controversial head butt that Morales had the match won. Morales was more of an experienced boxer, bigger, stronger, had better strategy or at least a strategy going to the game than just punching your opponent with all that you've got. The bottom line here is that he was the better man between them and eventually, he was awarded the championship which was from Pacquiao.

After the match, Morales seemed more tired than hurt while Pacquiao was a bloody mess. Though I would have to give him props for not ending up in Morales' list of knock outs. Though his ego didnt really disintegrate along with the beating he got. He claimed that he almost had Morales beat by knock out. Which got me laughing my butt of cause it seemed more likely that he would pass out than Morales getting beat. I know that my loyalty should be with Pacquiao given that he was our pride representing the country but I just find it pathetic that he would whine and complain after he got beat. He then blamed the head butt, making it difficult for him to see clearly and then there's this cable person he was talking about which I dont quite understand. He said that there was this problem with this person that plagued his mind during the fight so he couldnt consentrate well. Its just pathetic. The worse part is, most fellow countrymen here are siding with him, claiming that he was screwed. Their blind loyalty hinders their objective reasoning. Pacquiao is still young, he's just 26. He can still learn to be a better boxer he need not blame every circumstance that might be the reason for his defeat. He has the potential, he just has to learn how to use it. Morales was just the better man, thats just that. If ever I get to see Pacquiao in the future, I'll surely tell him that and hopefully, someone would rush me to the hospital. ha ha ha..

Im relatively new at this so its just now that I finally figured out how to post pictures on this blog. I took this picture earlier this month..so this isnt really recent plus my hair isnt really curly. I'll post new pictures after I see the results of the photo shoot I did last week. Till then...

2005-03-20T19:31:00.000-08:00

cropped
Posted by Hello

who ever said a student's life is easy?

2005-03-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

This week has been so stressful. Tons of home work in statistics, oral defense in Macbeth, reading assignments for the general provision of contracts, 4 chapters of philosophy...has just got me running for some time out! I do love to read and learn about stuffs but if you've been reading for the nth hour, its not as fun as you think and you begin to see the alphabets swirling around you in space. With so many details, its just information overload! Not to mention my future commitments like project papers, future quizzes, graded recitations...oh my!

Thank God its Friday and I finally get to unwind before I embark on another academic journey next week. My mom just called up and asked me if I wanted to go out since it was midnight madness was on tonight. Do I? OF COURSE!! I desperately need a break, watch a movie, zone out and take my mind off things...

Being a college student isnt as easy as it seems, we just make it look good! :)

victim of fate or free will?

2005-03-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

yesterday, our class in literature had to do an oral defense on an shakespearean classic, Macbeth. I'm not really one for tragedies, but this one was totally fascinating. I rememebered what my philosophy teacher told us, about the katharsis in watching tragedies,[ may it be in the movies, books or in the soap operas] it makes us better than ourselves as opposed to comedies that make us lesser than ourselves, im not sure but i think it was aristotle she quoted by that. i have always thought of tragedies as miserable and gruesome but now, in this example i can clearly discern what aristotle meant by that. there are no proclaimed protagonist and antogonist here yet there is still the conflict, it explores human nature, feeding on our weakness and if we indulge ourselves a bit too much, it swallows us whole just like in real life. there are really no antagonists in real life, we are all basically good until we lose that goodness in indulging in a weakness that ultimately destroys the good that is inate in all of us. it can be a varied weakness, for Macbeth's case it was greed. Well, I did fairly good in that exam but thats not the topic i want in delve into in this entry.

at some point after the exam, our professor asked us if Macbeth was a victim of fate and of free will. i though about it, listened to my classmate's opinions and finally came to my own conclusion that Macbeth was a victim of his own free will. Considering that the three witches did in fact, tell him what was to become of him wasnt enough proof to blame fate for what has become of him. for some people, fate is what you are to do, where you are to be, what you are to become. im still on the fence if destiny is really true or its just something people call the things that happen to them that they cant find anyone else to blame but themselves hence they call it destiny. Most of the time, i tend to lean towards the latter. I think that fate or destiny, is a state of potentiality, where this or that could happen but it still all rests upon you if you are to act towards that potentiality for it to become actuality. For Macbeth, the witches told him his destiny, they way he acted toward that professy was to his own preference, even if his wife told him to kill Duncan it was still and ultimately his decision to actually commit murder and his evil actions thereafter. It was his decision to kill MacDuff's family and Banquo for that ambition of his that consequently led to greed and it was his greed that became his downfall so it was his will that he was a victim of, not fate. What he got was only the consequence of his actions, fate had nothing to do with it.
the end doesnt justify the means.

chinese apreciation day

2005-03-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

A month after Chinese new year, I find myself...in Chinatown!! Buying some authentic green tea that we have grown to love. I just had to share that one. They say that there is a fine line between coincidence and fate. I dont really know but this day has been filled with so much coincidences that just blew my mind....or am I just thinking too much? Not that this is a countdown. Im not Chinese, there isnt even a fraction of a quarter or anything in our bloodline that is even remotely Chinese. Im half Hispanic if anything else. So the Chinese new year shouldnt really affect me in the least or at least it shouldnt have.

Exactly this day last month was Chinese new year and I just find it ironic that the official beggining of the Chinese lunar calendar is the same time we decided to end this crazy almost 2 year infatuation. With someone Chinese too. Don't feel sorry for me, the relationship was kinda winding down anyway and it was just then that we decided to formally end it once and for all. No hard feelings. So I guess, this lunar year gives the Chinese a new jump start on things and for me, a chance to start anew with my life. In that way, Im Chinese. Even before him, I already found myself fascinated by the Chinese...their culture, their philosophy, their art and most of all their cuisine. With an authentic Chinese guy, it gave me a front row perspective into what is Chinese. As a matter of fact, I can even speak and understand basic Mandarin. That's how fascinated I am. Im still learning it since one of my goals in life is to be multilingual.

And since this seems like a Chinese appreciation entry, I'll delve more into that previous relationship. It was fun and great while it lasted. It was a real learning experience for the both of us. The most important lesson I learned was that opposites do attract but unlike magnets, they dont really last. What we ultimately need at the end of the day is someone, more like ourselves. I dont mean that you should have all things in common, that would just be freaky! You may have different personalities, customs, religion, race, preferrences but at the end of the day, you both hold the same beliefs or philosophies in life. Although I was really fascinated with Chinese things and he was purely Chinese [the embodiment of just that], it didnt work cause our personalities were just too polar to romantically connect. I knew we were better off as friends, I just didnt want to admit it right away. You just cant force things that arent meant to be.

Its back to the drawing board for me...and its quite fun to be single again. I dont really have any specifications for the next potential special person in my life...He may be Chinese, he may not... but the most important thing for me will be that we are compatible enough to connect and thats the basic, most significant thing.

rants of a college girl

2005-03-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

"what am I gonna take for college?" I thought back in junior high. I pondered for a bit then came to the conclusion that I still had a year to explore the possibilities. In senior high, I still havent decided, so I just checked courses that might be useful for me in the future but still I had nothing particularly like. I checked out accounting since it seemed like a stable job, though not insanely in demand like nurses but all companies need accountants and there are a lot of companies out there. I'm bound to get a job. Besides, how hard can it be? I thought to myself since I prided myself for getting a 98% grade in our basic accounting subjects in highschool. [brags]. Eventually, I got in the university I wanted and I found myself taking up a applied economics and accounting. Great! a double major course! I checked it out thinking, this must be great, like a 2 in 1 thing. I must be getting the better end of the deal...boy, was I in for a surprise!! A double major course meant, double the torture! The then easy peasy accounting turned into a nightmare from hell. The basic accounting subjects I took in high school were discussed in 2 weeks maximum and things got harder from there. Its like the noose tied around my neck became tighter and tighter and tighter that I soon was gasping for my breath. I could look into my future in this course and all I see is myself going insane, pulling my hair in frustration that I lost a single cent and couldnt balance the whole damn balance sheets and fricking income statements. Economics was the better end of the deal. It wasnt as demanding though it can get really tough. I felt like I could survive but its not really something I have the liking to.

I have thought of shifting to another course but the question I asked myself back in junior high came back to haunt me. I still havent decided what to take for college even if I am IN college already. Now, Im mastering in a field that is yet to be decided or I'm floating as some would call it. I have a knack for pyschology and philosophy [as i soon realized] and astronomy but nothing I seriously want to pursue. I mean, I don't wanna be a councilor or a shrink or a philosopher in the future, those are just my sidelines. Things that I am good at but I dont want a degree in it. I think the major problem that I have in choosing a course is that I honestly dont see myself working in an office as most people are expected to be, as an employee, in a routinary job that eventually becomes mechanical for me. I want something exciting and challenging. I love to travel the world and discover their cultures. But somehow a degree in tourism isnt as impressive. I want a job where I can shop, eat, travel and explore and get paid for it. Like this woman I saw on tv, her job is to buy things [money provided by the company] then she writes about it, if she likes it and stuff or one that travels the world and documents it or studies the people there..something like that..what course is that?..but reality check..there arent that many job opportunities like that.. those people who have jobs like that are extremely lucky besides, although the wonders of the galaxy enchants and mystifies me, there are a variety of courses offered but nothing in that direction...the closest you can get is to become a weather nut...no way!! I love to act on stage and sing but its not really a serious carreer to delve into.

The course Im seriously considering right now is business management. though its not really in my list of preferrence, its the closest I can get to a serious and stable job and at the same time it provides enough flexibility for me to be my own entreprenuer as they say. I can do business, I can go work in an office [if ever] or work for myself. I can pursue my interests and still have a business on the side. I just hope this is it..

2005-03-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

the phantom of the opera
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the phantom of the opera

2005-03-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

Truth be told, I didn’t really have the intention of watching the movie initially. The trailer was quite impressive and mystifying with the special effects, the lavish props and the wonderful costumes. It had an interesting story line. The only actors I recognized there were Minnie Driver and Miranda Richardson, who were talented and seasoned performers in their own rights. But it just didnt appeal to me enough for me to get a ticket and go watch the movie.

My professor in Literature 2 suggested that we watch the movie and make a paper out of it. Okay so I watched it out of necessity, but I would have to admit that it would have been a shame to miss this movie. It was a fitting adaptation to its famous theatrical play counterpart. It was just as grand and breathtaking. It even explained some of the questions one might have upon watching the play, like how did the phantom came about and his relationship with the woman. The actors fit perfectly into their roles. I'm just wondering if they were the ones who really sang their parts or someone else sang it for them. My favorite was Charlotta, it was just so dynamic and funny that I couldn't get myself to dislikng her character. I've always thought of Minnie Driver as a shy, prim and sweet character but she really transformed into what was needed to produce the persona of Charlotta which was just so...[finding the right word..]..fascinating! She was impressive with the accents too. Back to the movie, my favorite part was when they sang "all i ask of you" by the balcony. It was just so touching that I could feel for the characters as well, the love that emanated from the couple and the pain that the phantom felt from witnessing the event.

By the end of the movie, I find myself enthralled and singing to the songs in the movie while the person who watched it with me, Josel found herself having a crush with the phantom. Although half [or one-fourth] of his face was distorted, Josel still found him handsome as a lot of people who have watched it might also agree with her. The only negative feedback I got from my friends who have watched it is that the girl who played Christine was not pretty enough. I don't know, but she was alright by me. She may not be the modern definition of what a beautiful woman should be but she had this face that seemed to have risen from the rennaisance period, sweet, virginal and old fashioned. All in all, it was a movie worth watching and I'm glad I didn't miss it.

ground breaking

2005-03-02T09:29:00.000-08:00

As a young girl, I always had a diary, those cute dainty little notebooks with locks that you can crack at your convenience. In this journal, I narrate the events of this particular day, share my dreams, gush about my crushes and spill my little secrets. Write about what made me smile, cry, laugh…you get the idea…It’s like a freedom wall for me, where I could say whatever I want whenever I want, about whomever I want...only through the confines of the pages, of course. Looking back on it and scanning those entries, I’d laugh my butt off every time! Its amazing to read how Barbie dolls can be a matter of life and death to a little kid, how Archie or Betty and Veronica double digests are as sacred as the Bible, how candies are like a kid’s vitamins...why I always fail to catch Santa Clause every single year? Top 10 reasons why Jason Priestly is the one for me… stuffs like that. It may be trivial matters but they make quite an interesting read, I’ve seen how much I have changed and how the world has changed over the years. The world can seem like a magical place when you are a kid, then fades as you grow up. Reality sets in, complicates or simplifies matters but then it makes life all the more interesting.

I still have a journal [or at least I think so] and I try to write whenever I could. I have been so busy with my friends, studies, extracurricular activities and basically living “life” that I don’t have time to take time to put it into writing. What makes this one different then, you must be thinking. Hmm..well, I have unlimited internet access when I’m at school so I use it whenever I can. I love to surf the net as much as I would like to [I emphasize...would like to] surf some waves. Recently, for some reason, I frequently come across some computer work that I get stuck with the computer for hours so I might as well take this risk and give it a shot since I’m not really comfortable writing on the computer. I am more of the traditional pen-paper writer, I don’t know why. I guess you can say I’m trying to outgrow that weakness along the way.

I love writing down my thoughts cause its part of my “creative” process. When I think about things, it gets messy, twisted and complicated. As Robbie Williams said, “I can start a sentence, but by the end of the sentence, I contradict myself 3 or 4 times…I don’t know what I think!” that totally applies with me too until I get issues cleared up and come up with a decision that I’m going to stick to. Life is a journey and along the way there are some wrong turns, some mistakes that we have to learn from so that when we pass that way again, you will know better than to choose that path again. I think I just made my first quotable quote there. Haha. So anyway, on that path I am hoping to meet people who share my ideals, learn from them and ultimately find more about myself. With that being said, let’s begin this journal…

Here we go…