chaotic
No, this is not an extension of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s freaky imitation of the Nick and Jessica’s Newly Weds bandwagon. It’s just the best word to describe my life as of the moment. I’ve been insanely busy since school started and my schedule is way up to whazoo. Here’s an update: Aside from juggling the academic demands of majoring in 3 subjects this term, I’m writing for the school paper, which I’m super psyched about. So far, I’ve written two articles and I’m feeling very Lois Lane-y so it’s all good. I loved watching Lois and Clark: the adventures of Superman. Teri Hatcher had been somewhat of an icon to me growing up. I wanted to be like Lois and now, in a way I am and it’s been great but then she had Superman at her beck and call. Now, where do I find someone like that? Ha ha ha ha. Tom Welling, if you're willing, let me know. Lol.
Life has its ways of throwing in some twists just to make things more exciting. As fate would have it, I ended up in a class where my ex was and of course, the newly installed extended appendage, the new girlfriend. I may have escaped the previous incident scratch-free but life sure isn’t going to make things easier on me. All the other classes were closed and there was just no bailing out. I thought to myself that perhaps it’s about time to face my demons, literally. First few times, I went into class feeling sorry for myself, which is an inevitable result. Good thing I had my girlfriends to back me up. It was awkward when our eyes would meet across the room. But then I realized I had the upper hand. I get my pick on the cute guys in class while he gets to hang out with just one, pretty jealous type at that. Needless to say, I showed him what he had been missing and flirted with one cute guy. I guess it was working pretty well since I catch him starring at me pretty often. This is not an elaborate scheme to get him back, it’s just that I’m moving on with my life. Then we started talking again and now he’s playing the i-just-want-to-be-friends-again card, which I think is total bull. You don’t get to be friends with your ex, at least not this early stage of the game, someday maybe but not now, not when you can still remember how kissing him feels like or like ever. At first I declined but then he argued how the past shouldn’t get in the way of the future and being friends could be nothing but good for us. So I decided to give it a shot, what the heck, I might be able to break a world record here or something. One small step for me, a giant leap for mankind type of thing. It’s that I don’t initiate conversations or call him like we were real friends, that would be freaky. I keep it business-like, when he talks to me I respond and I make sure I don’t let him into my personal life that much. Really romantic right? And soon enough the new girlfriend starts to get jealous and confronts me about it. It’s a good thing she did it in a civilized manner although it could have been less paranoid and assuming, but it is still appreciated. I guess that’s what it’s all about. I’ve been that road before. Being HIS girlfriend does that to you. So, I assure her that I don’t have feelings for her guy and I liked this other guy from class (which I really do) and since I could sense her fear, I vowed to stay away if she wanted. Well, she wanted, which I completely understand. And so I did, I had to be cold and cruel sometimes but I did keep my word. As if things weren't interesting enough. The cute guy I've been flirting with is nice, cute and cute - that's all there is to him. We don't really click on so many levels and its not like he's the sharpest knife on the shelf. I don't think that he has even noticed our incompatability just yet. Unfortunately, I need more than just a pretty face to win me over. It's not like I want to make him hope for nothing when I need him as a cover for this crazy mind games my ex started and for a breath-stopping turn of events, my ex wants me back. He said that if I ditch my guy, he ditches his and we'd be together. My life is playing like a soap opera. As exciting as it sounds, it's real predicament I got myself in. Thanks but no thanks. Its a sink or swim situation. Either I make him think Im free by ditching the cute guy or keep the charade up and keep the cute guy for convenience or a scapegoat is the rude yet appropriate word. I'm still figuring out what to do. It sure would be great to have Superman to rescue me from this mess.
Life has its ways of throwing in some twists just to make things more exciting. As fate would have it, I ended up in a class where my ex was and of course, the newly installed extended appendage, the new girlfriend. I may have escaped the previous incident scratch-free but life sure isn’t going to make things easier on me. All the other classes were closed and there was just no bailing out. I thought to myself that perhaps it’s about time to face my demons, literally. First few times, I went into class feeling sorry for myself, which is an inevitable result. Good thing I had my girlfriends to back me up. It was awkward when our eyes would meet across the room. But then I realized I had the upper hand. I get my pick on the cute guys in class while he gets to hang out with just one, pretty jealous type at that. Needless to say, I showed him what he had been missing and flirted with one cute guy. I guess it was working pretty well since I catch him starring at me pretty often. This is not an elaborate scheme to get him back, it’s just that I’m moving on with my life. Then we started talking again and now he’s playing the i-just-want-to-be-friends-again card, which I think is total bull. You don’t get to be friends with your ex, at least not this early stage of the game, someday maybe but not now, not when you can still remember how kissing him feels like or like ever. At first I declined but then he argued how the past shouldn’t get in the way of the future and being friends could be nothing but good for us. So I decided to give it a shot, what the heck, I might be able to break a world record here or something. One small step for me, a giant leap for mankind type of thing. It’s that I don’t initiate conversations or call him like we were real friends, that would be freaky. I keep it business-like, when he talks to me I respond and I make sure I don’t let him into my personal life that much. Really romantic right? And soon enough the new girlfriend starts to get jealous and confronts me about it. It’s a good thing she did it in a civilized manner although it could have been less paranoid and assuming, but it is still appreciated. I guess that’s what it’s all about. I’ve been that road before. Being HIS girlfriend does that to you. So, I assure her that I don’t have feelings for her guy and I liked this other guy from class (which I really do) and since I could sense her fear, I vowed to stay away if she wanted. Well, she wanted, which I completely understand. And so I did, I had to be cold and cruel sometimes but I did keep my word. As if things weren't interesting enough. The cute guy I've been flirting with is nice, cute and cute - that's all there is to him. We don't really click on so many levels and its not like he's the sharpest knife on the shelf. I don't think that he has even noticed our incompatability just yet. Unfortunately, I need more than just a pretty face to win me over. It's not like I want to make him hope for nothing when I need him as a cover for this crazy mind games my ex started and for a breath-stopping turn of events, my ex wants me back. He said that if I ditch my guy, he ditches his and we'd be together. My life is playing like a soap opera. As exciting as it sounds, it's real predicament I got myself in. Thanks but no thanks. Its a sink or swim situation. Either I make him think Im free by ditching the cute guy or keep the charade up and keep the cute guy for convenience or a scapegoat is the rude yet appropriate word. I'm still figuring out what to do. It sure would be great to have Superman to rescue me from this mess.
Now, is that chaotic or what?
posted by michelle @ 8:30 PM
3 comments
