just procrastinating

Trimester system sucks. Everyone else I know are already enjoying their break yet here we are still studying. I should be in a beach somewhere…soaking under the sun, enjoying the waves and having fun! But instead, I’m here in my room daydreaming about it. It’s the weekend before our finals and I just finished writing one of my projects. I still have a lot to do…yet here I am blogging my way through. Okei, I’m officially stalling but I just can’t keep these thoughts out of my head and I feel the need to just throw them out to the void. This will only take a few minutes… here goes…

Don’t you ever wish that sometimes there are just some things that you didn’t know or find out? Not that it’s better to be ignorant but because of the so-called danger of knowing? I have this tendency to think over things too much. There are a lot of things in my mind and none of them are about the subjects that I should be studying about but what the heck. As soon as I share my thoughts the sooner I can move on and study..yeah right! Lol!

First off, despite all the support to keep her alive, Terri Schiavo is dead. An autopsy is said to be conducted to find out what she was thinking as she was dying and if she was indeed thinking and conscious about the world around her before she died. I just don’t see the point in doing that anymore since she is dead, it wouldn’t matter to anyone what she thought or how she felt. It doesn’t matter to me. Her life was the only thing that mattered and now she’s dead so at least give her the right to rest in peace.

Second is about the Pope, the whole Catholic community is praying for his health. But no matter how hard we pray, we all know what is going to happen. He is dying and he knows it that is why he refused medical help to drastically save his life. They say he wanted to die with dignity. I don’t know if its Nostradamus or some other famous psychic that said that after Pope John Paul II dies, the next Pope will be the Pope that will be the an Anti-Christ or something and will be the one to lead us to the end of the world. Its just some faint memory and the psychic could be wrong so don’t breathe so much into it but it still got me a little restless. Although selfishly, I don’t want the Pope to die, I am well aware that at the end, God’s will be done.

In my previous entry, I was just raving about how much I love life, but these two issues really got me thinking about my mortality. All I could think of was… “I’m too young to die!” “I’m not ready yet. I have a lot of things to look forward to.” “I don’t even have kids yet.” “I haven’t done my mission yet.” …and I could come up with a thousand more excuses if the occasion calls for it. Life is uncertain but death is certain. It is an iron clad fact and that is what scares me. I look up to those who are not afraid of death and I can only hope that when my time comes I can be like them. It is natural for people to be scared of things that they do not understand. I admit, I don’t understand it and I’m attached to this earthly existence so sue me. I don’t know of anyone that isn’t scared of death except the suicidal ones. I just feel like there is still so much more to live for and I’m not ready to leave my loved ones behind. Its silly but sometimes I get so scared of thinking about it that I don’t want to fall asleep because I might never wake up again but I end up falling asleep and waking up the next morning anyway.

Another thing that occupies my mind is that how does the transition feel? I mean the middle of the state of being alive and being dead. Is it like sleeping? You just doze off? And after that what happens? Since I’m Catholic, lets say you go to heaven or hell…then whats next? If you go to heaven, they say you will be eternally happy hanging out with God. But what will you do for the duration of eternity? That’s an awful long time. How long is eternity anyway? Sometimes a moment seem a lifetime or a lifetime in a moment. So which one is it? Even the concept of being eternally happy is kind of an iffy to me. If you don’t know pain and suffering, you will not realize what happiness is or maybe you wouldn’t even know it. I think, you find happiness when you have a thing that you know will be miserable without.
And if you go to hell, you will suffer and burn. But its only painful when you’re not used to it the sensation but when you are not used to it, its like nothing just like plucking your eyebrows although hell would be a nth million billion zillion times worse but still the same concept and besides you are already dead, its not like you’re going to die…again?!!
I still have more thoughts on this but for here I’m going to cut it here…

Whew! Glad I got that out of my system. I told you there were a lot of things on my mind…and that’s not even all of it. ha ha ha. But I don’t want to bore you with all the details besides, I still have to study for my finals. Wish me luck. Thanks for the time.

Catch you on the flipside. I meant after the finals, not the otherside... :)